


Wonderful Tonight

by Commander



Category: Fairly OddParents
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-11
Updated: 2010-08-11
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:03:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Commander/pseuds/Commander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's late in the evening... AUGH! How he hates that stupid song! Why won't it get out of his head? One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wonderful Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> A songfic of sorts, and Cosmo/Wanda again because I can't get enough of them.
> 
> (And for the record, I don't really find this song romantic. I laugh every time I hear it. Now even more so, because it reminds me of Cosmo...) ;)

_It's late in the evening…_

GAH! How he _hated _that song!

Cosmo reached into the chips, grabbing a handful—wait, that wasn't the chips, that was the sauerkraut. Oh well. He licked it off his hand. Not half bad. Hopefully it would agree with his stomach, though; he had to be careful about what he ate this late in the evening—

AUGH! There was that song again!

"Bah da da da _da da!_" he growled angrily, to the tune of what sounded something like the beginning to that particular song. He looked up to find another fairy hovering by the buffet table, giving him an odd look. Cosmo was used to those looks, however. "Sauerkraut?" he offered.

The other fairy shook his head slowly. "Uh… no thanks."

"Good! 'Cuz it'll kill your esophagus!" Cosmo quickly downed the rest—and splashed some on his tie. _"OH NO!" _he shrieked. His tie! His fancy-shmancy tie, the one with flying llamas on it—if he had to wear a tie he wanted to wear a cool one like this, and now it was—

Wait a minute, didn't he wear a tie every day? A boring black one, but still. Cosmo dropped the sauerkraut container on the buffet table, right on the chips—aha! That's where the chips were! And that's what he had been looking for!

Wait a minute, why was a mostly empty sauerkraut container on top of them?

And why was sauerkraut on his tie?

Oh yeah! He had spilled it! Stupid sauerkraut…

Hey, why did he wear ties, anyway? All the time, even? They were uncomfortable and too hard to put on, at least until Wanda would come in and roll her eyes and just poof it on him, but still—there was _some reason _he always wore a tie, Cosmo knew, but frustratingly, like so many other things, he just couldn't figure out what it was. It sucked knowing that he knew something and yet not knowing it.

Huh?

And he liked this tie too. Well, this tie, and his exploding teacups tie, and his glow-in-the-dark tie-dye tie—it had taken him a long time to figure out which one to wear.

_She's wonderin' what clothes to wear…_

No! Not the second stupid line of that stupid song!

Besides, he had been the one who wondered. Wanda hadn't wondered. Wanda had been the one who was fully dressed in some long, pretty dress, Cosmo assumed—he hadn't really looked at her, he was too busy looking at his ties when he heard her say, "Come on, Cosmo, just pick one! We're going to be late for the party!"

Cosmo liked parties. He liked the food and he liked the excuse to wear his awesome ties, even if he had to actually wear a fancy jacket too.

_We go to a party…_

WHY WOULDN'T THIS STUPID SONG LEAVE HIS HEAD?

What was the song even called, anyway? Only bits and pieces were coming to his mind. What was the rest about? Why did he dislike it so much? Again, there was a part of him that was telling him that there was something about the song that he _liked, _too, but… but what was it?

"Stupid brain," he muttered to himself, pulling more chips from the bowl, his hand still dripping with sauerkraut. Where was Wanda? She'd help him figure it out. She did all his thinking for him. His mind didn't work right without her. It didn't work right with her either, but at least she could sometimes figure it out.

_And everyone turns to see…_

Stop, stop, STOP!

Cosmo turned his head, trying to see Wanda.

What was this party for, anyway? He couldn't remember. But there were a lot of fairies there. Some were dancing. Most weren't. There were quite a few hovering by the food, even. Cosmo instinctively pulled the chips closer to him, hoarding them.

"Seriously, Max, what is it? I'm young, I'm pretty, I'm single… why is he going after someone who's _none _of those things?"

"The power of true love?"

"Hmph. Yeah right."

"Well, that's about the only explanation… like you said, she isn't really that pretty, and she's married to boot…"

Overhearing their conversation, Cosmo would have laughed if he hadn't had about ten chips in his mouth. Someone was married to a boot? What a crazy wedding that would have been! Even crazier than his! And his had involved a Chihuahua dog acrobatic act and the biggest cake fight Fairy World or anywhere had ever seen and—

"Exactly. He's absolutely crazy."

"So are you, sis."

"No, so is _she. _I don't know who she's married to, but why on earth would she take _anyone _over _him?_ He's _gorgeous!"_

Cosmo still didn't know who they were talking about, but if this person was married to a boot, that might not be true. Boots could be very gorgeous.

A sudden commotion jostled the brother and sister fairies, and the fairy who had run into them—Wanda—paused only a second to apologize, hardly looking at them and not even noticing Cosmo on the other side of the buffet table. "Pardon me—_Juandissimo! _For the last time, _GET AWAY FROM ME!"_

"Wanda, _mi amor, _do not push aside a love as strong or sexy as ours! Every beat of my manly, macho heart is for you, the most beautiful flower of my garden—"

Cosmo growled through his chips. _Juandissimo! _How he hated that Muscles Magoo! Even more than he hated that stupid song!

In a second, they were gone—Wanda escaping, Juandissimo pursuing. The sister fairy rolled her eyes to her brother. "See what I mean?" she said. "I'm so much prettier than she is!"

Cosmo swallowed angrily. Wait, why was he angry? She was right, of course—she was prettier than Wanda. Lots of fairies were. Why should he get mad over the truth? It didn't matter! Wanda didn't need to be pretty to be beautiful! And besides, she wasn't married to a boot, she was married to _him!_

He quickly flung the empty sauerkraut container at the fairy's head.

"OUCH!" she shrieked, rubbing her scalp. She quickly turned around, Cosmo discreetly shoving chips back into his mouth again. "Who threw that at me?" She glared at a huge, muscular fairy who was right next to Cosmo. "Was it you?"

"Of course not!" the muscular fairy said. "Trust me, if I had thrown something at you, especially if the reason had been something like defending my wife's honor or something like that, I'd be man enough to own up to it, in the name of my love!"

Cosmo straightened up. "Hey!" he said.

The female fairy, her brother, and the muscular fairy all glared at Cosmo.

Cosmo blanched.

"Uh… do you know where I could find more chips?"

They continued to stare at him.

"And I am not a boot!" Cosmo added defiantly.

"I don't have time for this," the female fairy muttered, grabbing a cookie and floating off onto the dance floor. "I'm going somewhere safer."

Cookies? There were cookies here? Cosmo quickly made his way to where the cookies were and shoved one in his mouth, then another in his jacket pocket, then another in his mouth, then another in his jacket pocket, then another in his mouth…

He wasn't a boot. Of course not. Even he knew that. Why had he said that again?

_She puts on her makeup…_

GAH! There was that song again! And it came out of nowhere! Why did he keep thinking about that song? What was it about? Why did he keep thinking about that specific song when he and his wife dressed up and went to a party?

Where _was _his wife, anyway?

Wait, she had been with Juandissimo! And he had been saying those wonderful, romantic things to her, and she—

She—

She hadn't been happy.

Suddenly Cosmo again recalled part of the conversation he had just overheard.

"_I don't know who she's married to, but why on earth would she take _anyone_ over _him?"

He wasn't sexy like Juandissimo. Juandissimo was strong and handsome. Cosmo was weak and puny.

Juandissimo could say those pretty romantic words to Wanda and say them right every time. Cosmo couldn't. Cosmo could never say the right things, no matter how hard he tried. And he did try. But it never seemed to work.

And if Juandissimo had heard someone saying mean things about Wanda and thrown an empty sauerkraut container at their head, he wouldn't have hidden and pretended it wasn't him. He would have taken responsibility to defend her honor.

So why _had _Wanda married Cosmo?

_Because she loves me, _Cosmo instantly concluded, but that still didn't answer the question. Why did she love a moron like him when someone like Juandissimo was falling at her feet every time he saw her?

He picked up another cookie. Slower this time.

"Mmmmpphppttt," he said. Wait, that wasn't what he had meant to say. Oh yeah. There were about five cookies still in his mouth. He quickly chewed and swallowed them, and tried again. "Wanda?" There. That was better. Except now his stomach hurt. It hurt a lot.

Cosmo looked about the room again, trying to catch sight of her. "Wanda?" he said again, although his voice was soft. Too soft. He tried once more. "Wanda?" But something about his voice didn't want to get any louder than that. Stupid voice! Stupid voice and stupid stomach and stupid brain and stupid song and stupid sauerkraut container and stupid, stupid, stupid party. This party sucked. Even though the food was good and he was wearing one of his cool ties. Where was Wanda? Was she with Juandissimo? Cosmo's stomach suddenly hurt even more. Stupid stomach. Stupid Juandissimo. Stupid everything.

He grabbed the rest of the cookies and shoved them into his pockets.

"There you are, Cosmo. I knew I'd find you here."

Cosmo instantly smiled. It was Wanda! She had somehow heard him! Either that or she just happened to be heading towards the buffet table anyway. "Wanda, you have to try these cookies, they're—" Cosmo looked at the empty cookie tray. "Where did they all go?"

Wanda looked at Cosmo's overflowing pockets. "I can imagine," she muttered.

"I'm gonna go get more!" Cosmo declared. They were amazing cookies. Even though they were making his stomach hurt. That might have been the sauerkraut, anyway. Or Juandissimo. Yeah. Definitely Juandissimo.

"I think you've had enough. Let's get out of here. I'm not having any fun."

"You're not? I am!" Cosmo looked at the food. "The food is awesome and my tie is awesome—but this party still sucks, and I'm actually not having any fun at all. So, uh…"

"So let's go home?" Wanda offered hopefully.

"Lemme get more cookies first."

"Alright, whatever. You do that. I'm going home now. Once you get the cookies, meet me there. Got it?"

Why did she always have to so forcefully give him instructions like that, anyway? Did she think he was stupid or something?

Oh, yeah. He _was _stupid or something.

_It's time to go home now…_

STUPID SONG!

"Yep! I'll be there in two lambs of a shake's tail!"

Wanda sighed, waved her wand, and with a poof she was gone.

_And I've got an aching head…_

"Stomach," Cosmo corrected. Then his eyes narrowed. "STUPID, STUPID SONG!"

…

Cosmo quickly found the rest of the cookies, swiped them from underneath the chef's nose, and managed to stuff them into his pockets. Which was a hard task. There were a lot of them. About seventeen thousand or so. This was just a guess, of course; Cosmo couldn't count past five. But there were a lot more than five. Thus, seventeen thousand.

And then he quickly poofed himself back home.

Sometimes he forgot to do, or messed up, things that people told him to do. But he almost always could do what Wanda wanted him to do. Not that it wasn't difficult, because it still was, but for her he always tried. And somehow that made it not so difficult.

Ugh. Why didn't that make any sense?

Cosmo reached up for the cookie jar that sat above the refrigerator, straining to reach it, his brain distracted by trying to figure out why… why something. What had he been wondering about again? It hadn't made any sense, so much so that he couldn't even bring it back at all.

"Cosmo?" he heard Wanda call from their bedroom.

"I'm putting the cookies away!" Cosmo answered, still straining for the jar. "The jar's too high up! I can't reach it!"

"Uh, Cosmo… you can _fly _to it."

"Oh! Right!" Cosmo laughed at his own stupidity and flew up to the top of the fridge. His brain had been so busy with trying to figure out what he had been trying to figure out that he had forgotten he could fly. Ha ha ha! He was such a moron. If it weren't for Wanda he'd probably still be trying to reach the cookie jar.

Stuffing the numerous cookies as best he could into the cookie jar, Cosmo felt a little spark of something go off in his brain. Wait, was that what he was trying to remember? Something that must have been about Wanda?

"Are you coming to bed yet?" Wanda asked.

"Uh, no, I'm… I'm thinking!" Cosmo said, floating back down to the ground and sitting down. He was trying to think, anyway. And that would take awhile. And a lot of energy. But he wanted to figure out… whatever it was he was trying to figure out.

"Do you need me to help you?"

Cosmo smiled. Usually, when he tried to think, Wanda helped him and he figured out whatever it was he was thinking about that much faster. She was so smart. And she could help him—wait a minute, wasn't he thinking about her?

"No, no I don't, because I… I don't even know what I'm thinking about yet!"

That was a lie. He _had _figured out what he was thinking about. But could Wanda help think about herself? Even if he could, didn't he want to do this by himself?

Argh. This was making his head hurt. He should just forget it… no, wait, if this was about Wanda then he had to do try at least. He always tried for her, no matter how much it hurt his head. She was worth it. Always worth it. He smiled again.

He heard her sigh, and even though he couldn't see her, he knew she was rolling her eyes at him. And he continued to smile.

"Alright, then. I'm going to go to sleep now. Remember to turn off all the lights before you come in here. Goodnight."

"Goodnight!" Cosmo called cheerfully from his spot on the kitchen floor.

_It's late in the evening…_

Cosmo clutched his head and groaned, although remembering to do so softly, so Wanda couldn't hear him. How could he think whatever it was he needed to think about Wanda when all he could do was think about that stupid song?

Maybe the song had something to do with Wanda? Maybe there was some connection? But how could there be? It was a stupid song, and Wanda was smart. He hated that song, but he loved Wanda. How could there be any connection whatsoever?

No, he wasn't remembering all of the song. There was more to it. But what was it?

Sighing, he slumped against the fridge and, although he hated to do it, purposely brought the song back to his mind. He had to figure this out. Even if it meant going through the song again.

_It's late in the evening… she's wonderin' what clothes to wear… she puts on her makeup…_

Cosmo drummed his fingers on his kneecap. Darn. He couldn't remember the rest of it. _Blah blah something that rhymes with wear…_

_And then she asks me…_

She asks me what?

Cosmo sighed. He was getting nowhere.

_And then she asks me… blah blah something something… and I say yes…_

_Yes…_

Yes WHAT?

_You look…_

How had Wanda looked that night?

Cosmo really hadn't stopped to look at her…

Wrinkling his brow, he brought up the image of Wanda at the buffet table, a tired, upset, cranky Wanda. And suddenly he remembered what she had been wearing. She was wearing her shimmering pink gown that had a sequined v-neck and spaghetti straps (inexplicably called that, even though they tasted nothing like spaghetti—Cosmo had tried to taste them before). She looked…

_Wonderful._

"Wonderful tonight!" Cosmo suddenly blurted out. He had figured it out! That was what the song was called! That's why he kept thinking about it every time he thought about Wanda! _She looked wonderful tonight!_

Cosmo bit his lip.

"It's still a stupid song, though," he muttered.

It was goopy and soupy and mushy and gushy and it had always sounded to Cosmo like the guy who was singing it was more exasperated at how long it was taking his wife to get ready. He could certainly relate!

But that was only the first verse. There was more to the song, wasn't there?

Cosmo clutched his head yet again. Oh man, did this thinking hurt. If only Wanda were helping him, she'd have it figured out by now!

But no. He was thinking about her. _For _her. He'd do this for her. At the very least, he'd try his darndest.

How did the second verse start?

Darn it.

He couldn't remember.

What had reminded him of the song again? Wanda, and the dress… the dress that she wore to the party…

_We go to a party…_

THERE it was!

_And everyone turns to see… this beautiful lady… that's walking around with me…_

Cosmo smiled. Yes. She was beautiful. She was the most beautiful creature in the whole world. Even though she wasn't very pretty.

And then he suddenly remembered the two fairies talking, and Juandissimo chasing after Wanda, and he felt his blood boil again.

She hadn't been walking around with Cosmo, she had been… well, no, she hadn't really been walking around with Juandissimo, either. She had been trying to get away from him. Even Cosmo could figure that out. But why was she? That lady was right—Juandissimo was everything a girl could want. What she had been wrong about was Wanda. Why should she be so surprised that someone wanted Wanda that badly? Wasn't it obvious why Juandissimo loved Wanda? Wasn't the whole world in love with Wanda?

Cosmo sighed and pulled his knees closer to his chest.

_If the whole world's in love with Wanda, then why did she choose ME?_

Oh yeah. That was it. That was what he had been trying to think about.

And he already knew that there was no way he could come up with the answer to that one on his own.

Well. The whole world might _love _Wanda, but probably no one _needed _her as much as Cosmo did. This whole thinking thing was just proving that fact. Without Wanda, Cosmo made no sense. Even with her he made no sense. In fact, next to her, his stupidity shone through all the greater. Compared to her, he looked even more a dunce.

And yet, with her, he still always felt like he could do more. He always felt… _smarter_ around her. Even while being so acutely aware of how stupid he really was.

"Ugh." Cosmo pushed his forehead into his knees. She made him feel stupider and smarter at the same time? How did that make any sense whatsoever? How could someone both highlight all his faults next to how capable she herself was, and yet also make him feel like he could soar to new heights?

He wrapped his arms around his legs and sighed happily. God, did he love her. His beautiful, beautiful Wanda. His Wanda who didn't need to be pretty to be beautiful, who didn't need to be smart to be clever, who didn't need to be perfect to be absolutely marvelous. She was such a mess of contradictions. And Cosmo couldn't begin to understand them.

He loved her. Just as much as the whole world did. Maybe more. And he needed her. Way more than the rest of the world did.

Did she realize that?

She had to, because she knew everything. And yet Cosmo had never really told her that. Well, kind of. But it never came out right. Nothing ever came out right from his mouth.

Well. For her, he'd try. He had to try. What if she grew tired of him and went to Juandissimo, who could say the right things all the time?

Cosmo paled in fear.

No. He couldn't let that happen.

He stood up, poofed himself into his pajamas, and carefully made his way out of the kitchen, through the living room, and to the closed door of their bedroom. He creaked open the door and looked in on her through the darkened room.

She was lying on her side, the covers wrapped up around her, breathing slowly and softly, her eyes closed. One arm was out of the covers and Cosmo could see she was wearing her old pink nightgown, the one with the frayed sleeves.

"Wanda?" he said softly.

She didn't answer, or stir.

"Are you awake?"

No answer.

"Say yes if you are, and… and don't say yes if you aren't."

Silence.

Cosmo smiled. "I guess that's good. Because there's something I need to tell you, but I'm probably gonna mess it up. So I can practice with you now, while you're asleep, so I can say the stupid stuff now and say the smart stuff when you're awake." He paused. "Although maybe I'll just end up saying the smart stuff now and the stupid stuff when you're awake." Another pause. "Or the stupid stuff now and the stupid stuff again when you're awake. Yeah. Probably that."

He sighed, his smile gone. He was way too stupid for this. Way too stupid for her. But he still had to try. He hovered over to the bed and sat on the edge, at the same level as Wanda's waist.

Now where to begin?

Oh well. Just begin somewhere. She's asleep. This'll help you figure out where the best place to begin is when she's awake.

"I lied to you," he blurted out. "Just now. I told you I didn't know what I was thinking about, but I did. Well, kinda. I was trying to think about you, but it took me a long time to realize why and what. But I always knew who." He chortled. "Knew who, knew who, I sound like an owl."

Wait, stay on topic!

"Not that I don't think you can't think about yourself and help me think about you, because I know you can think about anything, but I wanted to do this myself. And I realized…"

Realized…

Uh-oh.

"I lost it," murmured Cosmo. "I'm gonna have to start at the beginning…"

Why did he always lose this stuff? Why could he not remember the important things, the things he should remember, the things about Wanda? Why couldn't he remember—wait, he _could _remember the first time he had ever seen her. And the first time he had talked to her. He couldn't remember the words either had said, but he could remember the feelings, could remember the expressions… notably, Wanda's rather annoyed expression that made him fall for her even more, somehow.

Words. Words were what he needed to remember.

"I'm not good with words," Cosmo muttered, feeling angry at himself. "I had words for you but I forgot them. I'm not like Juandissimo. I can't say all those pretty love words like he does. Although I can try!" Strangely, the words Juandissimo had said to Wanda that night were still very clear in his mind. "Every beat of my manly, macho heart is for you, the most beautiful flower of my garden!" He stopped there, making a face of revulsion. "Wow. That sounds really, really lame when I say it. I guess it's cuz I'm the one who's saying it."

He looked at her face, her eyes still closed.

"There were these two annoying fairies at the buffet table, and I think they were going for my chips—and Wanda, I spilled sauerkraut all over my tie! My cool flying llama tie! And—"

Cosmo stopped there, very suddenly and out of the blue remembering something. Words. He was remembering words. Words from long ago, when Cosmo had been dragged by his mother to some party she was invited to, a party only made tolerable by the food and the fact that Wanda was there too. She had been dressed pretty, although right now Cosmo couldn't remember what she had been wearing, but he remembered what she had said upon seeing Cosmo. "Wow, Cosmo, you look cute in a tie! You should wear one more often!"

THAT was why he wore those uncomfortable, confusing ties every day. It was because of Wanda.

Wanda was worth it.

"You're worth it," Cosmo murmured to his sleeping wife.

Wait.

Where was he?

His tie. Why had he been talking about his tie just then? It had—he had spilled sauerkraut all over it, at the buffet table! Those sibling fairies! Juandissimo! "Okay, getting back on track here, I'm not here to talk about my tie, I'm here to talk about you! And that's what these two fairies at the buffet table were doing. They were trying to figure out why Juandissimo would want someone like you, and why you don't want someone like him. I don't know why you don't want him, but come on, even I can figure out why Juandissimo wants you! Isn't it obvious?"

He paused, took a deep breath, and looked over Wanda again.

"That one fairy said you weren't pretty. And I threw an empty sauerkraut dish at her head, even though it's true." He chuckled. "You really aren't all that pretty."

He flinched as he could swear he could see her twitch angrily in her sleep, even though he knew she couldn't hear him… right?

"I mean, come on, there's lots of people way prettier and hotter than you are. And they need to be to be beautiful. But you don't! You're beautiful even though you aren't pretty or hot or anything. You're more beautiful than any of them. You looked wonderful tonight even though you were crabby and cranky. You're beautiful all the time.

"Anyway… I threw that dish at her head, and then I wasn't man enough to own up to it. I wasn't even woman enough to own up to it. Juandissimo would have been. Man enough, I mean." Cosmo sighed at himself, frustrated. Yep, he wasn't making any sense. This hadn't been the right place to start. Try again.

"I kept getting this song stuck in my head tonight," Cosmo said quickly. "This stupid, schlocky, annoying song, and it was annoying me so much, even when I was in the kitchen trying to think about you all I could think about was that song. And I realized that something about that song reminded me of you. Since we dressed up and went to a party and you looked wonderful tonight. I hate that song, but it reminds me of you. Even though I don't hate you. Wow. Good thing you're asleep. You'd be so mad at me right now if you could hear me. I'm saying stupid things again!"

He took a deep breath.

"It reminds me of you," he continued quickly, "because you looked wonderful tonight, at least I think you did because I really wasn't looking at you, I was looking at those cookies. Those were good cookies. Even though they hurt my stomach. Wait. There's something else…" Cosmo sighed, rubbing his temple. "But I can't figure out what it is. I can't figure out anything without you. Maybe Juandissimo and everyone else loves you and can tell you, but I'm the one who needs you. Without you, I can't even think."

He looked at her again.

She was so beautiful.

"I can't really think _with _you, either," he admitted. "But I need you. I need you to stay with me and not go with someone else like Juandissimo even though they can actually talk to you and make sense and say that they love you with words that make sense and I can't even with your help. I don't _want _you to help me tell you that I love you! I want to do it myself! It hurts my head but for you it's worth it! You're worth everything and for you I'll sit and think and think all night even though it hurts my head!"

Cosmo brought his hand to his mouth, stifling himself. He had gotten rather loud and Wanda was still asleep. And he certainly didn't want her to wake up.

"I'm glad you're asleep," he muttered. "I'm glad you can't hear me saying all these wrong things."

Instinctively, he reached out a hand to stroke her hair, her cheek, her lips; but stopped himself just in time.

"I want to kiss you," he murmured, "but that would wake you up."

He hesitated for a few moments.

"I'm glad you're my wife," he finally said.

She smiled. Even though she was asleep. She smiled.

"There was something else about that stupid song that I hate that I'm trying to remember," Cosmo continued. "I think it's the bridge. Why do they call the middle of a song a bridge? It doesn't go over water! I'm gonna have to go through the words again… I hate words. Words suck. Words are gonna kill me. Something something something, wonderful tonight… darn it." He looked up at the ceiling and tapped his foot, trying to remember. Come on, brain, once, just this once, _work! _"I feel… wonderful…"

That was it!

"Because I see the… flashlight in your sighs…" He wasn't sure if that was right, but it was close enough. Besides, he was trying to get to the second part of the bridge. "And the wonder of it all is that…"

Is that…

Something that rhymes with sighs…

What was the wonder of it all?

He looked at Wanda again.

_Help me!_

Help me realize…

Realize…

Realize!

"Is that you just don't realize how much I love you," he finished softly.

Because she couldn't. No matter how smart she was, she couldn't. Because he couldn't tell her. He was too stupid to tell her. He didn't have the smarts to put into words his love for her.

"I love you. Maybe not like everyone else, but if it weren't for you, I couldn't do anything. So—so I'm selfish and I want you all to myself. You're… you're my Wanda." He smiled at her. "You deserve someone smarter than me, but since I'm greedy and selfish, I'm never gonna let you go! I'll try to find words for you. Even if they're someone else's. They'll be better than mine!"

He quickly pulled the very last verse of that song out of the dusty recesses of his mind. Parts of this song weren't too bad, he had to admit. "And then I tell you, as I turn out the light, I say 'my darling, you were'—"

The light?

"Oh no!" cried Cosmo, looking back towards the still lit-up kitchen. "I forgot to turn out the light!"

He zoomed back to the kitchen, looking around for the light switch, found it, and hit it… literally. Hard. Yanking his hand away in pain, he unfortunately wasn't paying any attention to exactly where he was yanking it, and thus jammed it against the sharp corner of the kitchen counter, which, as you can imagine, gave him a new, and equally painful, sting.

Grabbing his hand and remembering to not fling it around anymore, he yelped helplessly, _"Wan_—"

Wait, she's asleep! Don't go waking her up just because you were stupid!

He pulled his hand close to his chest and whimpered, his eyes filling with tears of pain, biting his lip to keep from crying out anymore. He'd do this himself. Even though whenever he got hurt Wanda always took care of him, well, now he'd take care of him. Himself. Whatever.

He let go of his throbbing hand and noticed that his unhurt one had something red and sticky on its palm. And so did the topside of his hurt hand.

"I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm _bleeding," _Cosmo stammered, having to say "I'm" four times to get this truth to sink in his empty skull. Too empty to even know what to do. Blood was bad. Oh, blood was bad. Unless of course if you're a vampire, but Cosmo wasn't, at least as far as he knew. He clamped his hand back on the scab and pressed it down, trying to stop the blood…

What would Wanda do?

Get a bandage!

Cosmo wildly looked around the room—where the heck _were _the bandages? He had to find them before he bled to death!

"Cosmo."

Cosmo nearly shrieked from surprise.

It was Wanda. Of course it was Wanda. And she was holding a first aid kit in one hand, and looking at Cosmo through sleepy, sympathetic eyes. "They're right here, sweetie."

Cosmo instantly felt guilty for having woken Wanda up because of his stupidly hurting himself and stupidly-er crying out for her, but her appearance with the first aid kit made his selfish need to feel better override any guilty feelings.

Well, not override. He still did feel guilty as he looked at his wife and his lower lip quivered and he said, "C-can you…?"

"Give me your hand."

Cosmo instantly shot out his hurt hand, and Wanda held it in hers, somehow unrolling the bandage single-handedly with her free one.

"I hit the lights, literally, and as it turns out that doesn't turn out the lights, it just really hurts your hand," Cosmo babbled, sliding down into a sitting position on the floor. "And then I hit the counter, and that hurt even more, and it STILL didn't turn anything out."

"You'll be okay, sweetheart. It's not bleeding very much. Here." She began to gently wrap the bandage around his hand. Gentle, nurturing Wanda. He already felt about… about seventeen thousand times better.

Her hair was down, reaching a little past her shoulders. She only ever wore it like this at night when she was asleep, even though Cosmo liked it this way. With his free hand, he took a strand of her hair in his fingers and stroked it, sighing happily. After what he had said to her just now, even though she had been asleep and hadn't heard it at all, he had gotten himself into a very romantic and affectionate mood, and now Wanda, his beautiful, caring Wanda was making him feel better and…

Wanda finished putting the bandage on him. "Do you need me to kiss it to make it feel better?" she asked, smiling at him.

Cosmo nodded. "Uh-huh."

That was a lie, though. It already felt so much better just by her being there. But a kiss couldn't hurt. And, well, even he wasn't dumb enough to ever say no to her kisses.

She kissed him… right where he had hit his hand. So she actually kissed the bandage, and not him.

Well.

That wouldn't do.

"No, not there," said Cosmo, moving her head forward just a smidgen, so that her mouth was now at his wrist level. "There."

"But that's not where you got hurt."

"But if you kiss my skin, your kiss will seep through my pores and into my veins and make my whole body feel better. It can't do that if you just kiss the _bandage!"_

Wanda laughed softly. "Alright."

She did it. And what Cosmo had said about her kiss came true. He sighed again, still stroking a strand of pink hair between his fingers. He loved her. So much. And he was in a really lovey-dovey mood right then. Must have been that stupid song. That stupid song that wasn't quite so stupid anymore. Still stupid, but not _that _stupid.

"Wanda?" he murmured.

She looked up at him, her hand still in his, stroking it both where the bandage was covering it and where the bandage wasn't covering it.

No, wait, now wasn't the time to be romantic. He could be romantic after he said the right romantic things to her, and that wasn't going to be tonight, his brain was too fried. If he tried it now she'd have no clue what he was doing.

"I'm sorry for waking you up with my agonizing scream of pain," he said instead.

The corners of Wanda's mouth twitched upward.

"I wasn't asleep," she said, kissing Cosmo's wrist again.

"Oh." Cosmo instantly didn't feel as guilty anymore. "Then I'm not sorry."

That was a stupid thing to say, and he realized it as soon as it was out of his mouth, but to his surprise Wanda didn't roll her eyes at him. She just smiled at him again with… with _that_ look. Cosmo recognized that look. It was the look that said, "Even _you _should be able to figure this out".

Oh great. He had to think again.

Figure what out? All she had said was that she wasn't asleep, which only meant that she… wasn't…

**OH.**

**NO.**

"When you say you weren't asleep," Cosmo said hurriedly, feeling a panic shoot through his entire body, "do you mean just now, or for—I mean, not that it would matter if you weren't asleep, because I certainly wasn't doing or saying anything when I thought you were—because you were, right? But even if you weren't, there would have been nothing, nothing, nothing whatsoever to—"

"Cosmo," Wanda interrupted, kissing his wrist again, "I don't care that you don't always say the right things. All that matters to me is that you try. And you do try."

"I do try," said Cosmo without thinking, "I try really really hard, and—wait! I didn't say anything! Especially not to you just now when you were asleep!"

Wanda laughed. "I _wasn't _asleep, Cosmo. I heard what you said."

Cosmo had suspected that was what Wanda had been inferring to him this whole time, but of course he needed it explicitly spelled out to finally realize that yes, she _had _heard what he had said. She _had _heard all those stupid, stupid—

"You were awake! Then—then you _lied _to me!" Cosmo said, his eyes narrowing. "You told me you were asleep! Well, no you didn't, but you _didn't _tell me that you were _awake!"_

"I know, and I'm sorry," said Wanda, sliding her arms around Cosmo's waist and nestling her head into his chest. "But you lied to me about not knowing what you were thinking about, so we're even now, right?" She looked up at him and smiled. It wasn't an angry or irritated smile. It was a smile that seemed to mean that she really wasn't at all angry at him.

But—

how—

why was—

She held him closer.

It was times like this that Cosmo's brain, if it was significant enough to even be called a brain, completely stopped working.

Questions.

There were questions.

But he couldn't bring them up.

He loved her.

"But… but I said the wrong things," he whispered. He loved her. "I didn't want you to hear the wrong things." Love love love.

"You said some wrong things, yes. But you also said the _right _things." Wanda held him even closer and kissed his chest, and even though his pajamas were in the way he still felt it and shivered. "You said a lot of _very _right things. And I love you so much."

"But… but I said…" The funny thing was, he couldn't remember a word of what he had said to her right then. Not a word. He could only remember that they had been the wrong, stupid, rambling things.

"I don't care."

"You should care. You… you should have someone who can tell you the right things all the time. And only the right things. I just tell you stupid things all the time, and…"

"Not all the time. And I still love you even when you say stupid things."

He sat there, frozen, as Wanda snuggled deeper into his chest, with one of his hands still entwined in her hair and his other, bandaged hand stiff at his side.

Stupid brain of his.

As frustrating as it was being so stupid that he didn't always know when he did the wrong things, it was worse being so stupid that he didn't know when he had done the _right _things. Because obviously he had done _something _right. And he didn't have a clue of what it was. If only he could figure it out, he'd do it over and over and over again for Wanda… but words, words were lost to him, like always. He'd forgotten every single word.

"Don't… don't you wish I said the _right, smart _things all the time?" he whispered. He wasn't frozen anymore. Now he was just shaking.

She looked up at him and smiled lovingly. She still loved him! After all the stupid things he had said that he couldn't even remember, just that he knew they were stupid, and she still—

"No. Because then you wouldn't be my Cosmo."

Finally his arms worked. Before he realized it, his arms were wrapped around Wanda, one hand resting on her wings. "Will I always be your Cosmo?" he murmured.

"Always. Will I always be your Wanda?"

"Always and always and always… unless if you changed your name. Then you'd be my somebody else."

Wanda laughed. "Don't worry. I'm not planning to."

"Good. I couldn't get used to another name. And I like Wanda."

Wanda lifted her face up to his again. "Did you still want to kiss me?" she murmured.

Still? Huh? He always wanted to kiss her. Well, except right after she'd eaten garlic. Then he didn't. But as far as he knew she hadn't eaten garlic that day. What kind of a stupid question was that?

She continued to smile at him, raising her eyebrows.

Was that an invitation?

Well, even if it wasn't, screw it.

Sliding his hands to the back of her head, he pushed her towards him in a strong, confident kiss. He liked to think he was good at kissing. He'd had lots of practice with it, and of course all that practice had been with Wanda. And she always felt good in his arms. And she always tasted good. Which was silly, because she tasted like lips… that is, unless she's just eaten garlic… But lips weren't a delicacy. And they weren't tasty. Not even Wanda's lips. But they still just tasted _good._

And they tasted even better when she brought a hand to his face and returned the kiss, which was exactly what she was doing right then.

Oh yes. She was his Wanda and he was selfish and greedy and wouldn't ever let her go. But the thing was, he was pretty sure that she didn't _want _to go. Because he was her Cosmo.

Wanda pulled away from the kiss. "Come on, sweetheart, let's go to bed. Your hand will feel better in the morning." She stood up and hovered out of the room, flipping off the light switch on her way out. Cosmo quickly followed her.

"You know," said Cosmo with a little laugh at himself, "I know I said the wrong things, and you said I said the right things, but I honestly can't remember a word I said anyway."

They were in their bedroom now. Wanda stopped and turned around to face Cosmo, smiling again. "Well then, to that I say… do you feel alright?"

Cosmo blinked. What an odd question.

"Well, yeah, I feel…"

His eyes lit up. Words hit him like a speeding train.

"Wonderful tonight!"

Wanda laughed. "Exactly."

Cosmo scratched his head. That song, that stupid song… but there was something at the end that he liked—

Words!

"Wanda, wait!" he cried, suddenly grabbing her by the shoulders and swooping her low, gazing into her eyes. "I remember the rest of the song now! And I'm gonna say it to you because it's the right thing to say! Even though the words aren't mine, let me try to say the right things for you!"

Wanda waited patiently.

Cosmo took a deep breath. "And so I tell you, as I turn out the light, I say 'my darling… you were wonderful tonight.'"

They gazed at each other for a moment or two.

"That still sounds really, really stupid and lame when I say it," Cosmo blurted out. "Even though I mean it, because you were wonderful, you're always wonderful! But I guess I just sound stupid and lame even when I use other people's words. Which means I sound stupider and lamer when I use my own words."

Wanda smiled. "Try me."

Cosmo blinked, trying to try her. Words… words…

She made his brain stop working.

"I love you," he finally blurted out.

And somehow, this time he knew he had said the _right _thing.

Wanda smiled and leaned her face up to his, and he could hear her murmur just before their lips met:

"See, that wasn't lame at all."


End file.
